it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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