you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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