I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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