stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
