yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
