god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
