There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
