OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
