Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
