Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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