wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
