Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize