I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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