As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
