THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
