I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
