I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
