just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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