grandma shit on top of the toilet
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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