This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
