JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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