So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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