And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
