I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
