i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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