I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My Higher Power is John Stamos
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
