She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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