Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Randomize
