if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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