I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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