you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
