I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
