It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
