Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
