This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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