Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
