Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
