ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
