dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
