You're my little dorito
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
