How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
