fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
