I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
