and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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