areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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