Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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