You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
