I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This baby is an asshole
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
