last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My pussy is not your playground.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
