atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
