last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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