i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
