So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
