I wanna passion pit in your ass
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
