While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
