He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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