my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
