My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
