Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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