He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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