Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
