You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
