I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
