Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
