remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
