last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
