omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
