Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
