I didn't shave. On purpose
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
