did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
