so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
