Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
