I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We are all done wearing pants today
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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