This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you inspire me to be a worse person
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
