Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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