I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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