im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
